Nice guys finish last

But the last shall be first in heaven. Why put my dating life in my own hands when I can put them in hands that are way more capable? I've decided to take the advice of some older, wiser friends and leave it up to Him.

I'm gonna stop worrying and just leave it all in His hands.

Dating

I want to date.

BUT the more I think about it, the more I realize that I'm not ready to date. I'm not confident in myself enough, and I am definitely not spiritually grounded enough for a relationship, which sucks. He'll provide when I am ready, but it's up to me to ready myself.

Music

So I currently have about 4000 songs on my itunes (and growing). I've probably listened to less than half of my library. I'm gonna try to listen to every song in my library at least once before the end of the summer. Luckily, I can cross off all of my classic rock albums (thank God) from the list. That still leaves probably more than 3500 songs. Better get listening...

I've also realized most people think my taste in music sucks.

Random Thoughts

#1: Life is really complicated. I'm a simple guy. I like simplicity.

#2: As Bob Marley so eloquently put it, "No woman, no cry". Why does it feel like so much of the anxiety in my life is related to the opposite sex?

#3: I really like the new freshman class at YNECM. They're a fun group of kids. Maybe I like them because I'm actually talking to them and being friendly this year.

#4: Apartment life is great.

#5: It's 4am and I'm not very tired.

#6: I love having deep talks with people. You know the kind that forges a connection with that person because you've shown a piece of your soul to them?

#7: College is truly a time of change and finding out who you really are. It's like meeting a new person.

#8: I don't talk to any of my high school friends (except for one person), and I'm completely okay with it.

#9: I am so spiritually dry it's not even funny. Complacency has a lot to do with it.

#10: Confidence. I need it.

#11: Even as a senior, I still don't know myself very well. It's an every day learning experience, and I don't think it'll be over any time soon. I guess this goes with confidence. The more I learn about myself, the more confidence I seem to gain.

#12: I went home monday afternoon. It was nice seeing my dad, even if it was only for a couple hours. Living away from home makes me appreciate my family so much more and cherish my time with them.

#13: One thing that sucks about living in an apartment is that I don't get to sleep in my queen sized bed. It's seriously the most comfortable bed ever. Friends have sat down on it and fallen asleep. It's that awesome.

#14: I find the magnitude of my dependence on the internet kind of crazy. It's almost pathetic how much I rely on the internet.

#15: Gonna try to get some summer reading done. Reading list is, in no particular order:
- reread harry potter and the deathly hallows
- Screwtape letters
- Desiring God
- Hearing God's Voice
hopefully i'll cross off at least two of these off my list by September's end

#16: I think I might have ruined my roommates by bringing my wii and xbox360 to the apartment. Hopefully they'll adapt. Fifa and super smash are taking over

#17: I wish people here played more soccer. It's such a fun sport to watch/play.

#18: The harder i try at fantasy baseball, the worse i do. Maybe if I stop trying, I'll do better.

#19: Currently at 167lbs. I want to try to cut down to 145-150. Once I hit that, who knows?

#20: I realized I still have trouble humbling myself. My hubrus is going to get me into trouble.

#21: Summer school itself is so not that bad, but it's just the fact that it's during the summer. Holy moly it's already week 4. 6 weeks go by so fast.

#22: After working on it, some people actually call me nice now. It's a great feeling.

That's it for now. I'm so lucky I have lecture at noon.

How was your first year?

So people always ask me how my first year at UCLA was, and to be honest, I don't really know how to answer the question. I usually answer with "It was really different. Not what I expected. I didn't do as well as I wanted." Having some time to think about it now, I still don't really know how to answer the question. Taking one of the hardest classes (biochem) in my first quarter at UCLA definitely didn't help with my transition from classes at GCC to classes at UCLA. It was like going from playing pop warner football to playing for the 49ers. Also, living with roommates made me realize that I have to be careful with the people I choose to live with. I thought it would be okay living with a friends from GCC but I realized that I like them, but can't really stand living with them.

I guess to sum it up in one word or phrase, my first year as a full fledged bruin would be "transition" or "learning experience". I've matured more as a student, being able to somewhat space out my studies, as well as learning how i study best. Sort of. I'm really going to miss dorm food though. Time to make friends with some freshmen.

Weather + Finals = FAIL

It's about that time in sunny Socal when the transition from winter to summer happens. There's no real spring here. It's getting hotter, and I do not like summer weather. It's just too hot. I think I don't like summer mostly because I sweat easily. This hot weather makes me tired and sluggish. Bad timing since my last and most difficult final is tomorrow morning at 8. But after that I'll be soaking in that beautiful Socal sun in Whale's Vagina. I guess I should at least start trying to study. I want winter back. :(

Finals

Why is it so dang hard to study during finals week? :(